I've started and stopped this article about a hundred times. I so desperately don't want to write about politics right now because it's difficult not to sound angry when discussing anything right now. I'm so overwhelmingly fucking disappointed by the media, the administration, local and state governments, the courts, the fringe and mainstream evangelicals, and just about every facet of our government that it's hard to figure out where to start. Worse, it's impossible to know where to end. In a social climate where supporting the equality necessary to marry the person you love actually positions you as an extremist is there really any point to TRYING to appear reasonable? I've heard this argument about a hundred times recently - "It's unreasonable to expect the Democratic Party to support equal marriage right now". There are millions of families in this country with a loving gay relationship at the center of them. Of course, they should all fuck off, because asking for equal rights for them is unreasonable. The Twilight Zone was a great TV show, an okay movie and a HORRIBLE way to run a country.

So, rather than beat my head against George Bush's pasty rectum one more time in a vain effort to vent my own personal spleen, I thought I would beg everyone to do something totally different. I am a student in the service of learning about happiness. Not happiness with a little 'h", where you get what you want and enjoy your life in little bits and pieces. I mean Happiness with a big "H", the kind pioneered by Helen Keller who, despite being the focal point of probably more one liner jokes than any single person on the planet (for example, " How does Helen Keller drive? One hand on the wheel and one hand one the road"), was also a truly happy person. Helen Keller wrote:

I fundamentally agree with Helen Keller. This is why I don't feel bad quoting one more quick Helen Keller Joke.

"Why couldn't Helen Keller play on her high school football team?"

"Because she's a girl"

For people paying attention, that's really more of a Title IX joke than a Helen Keller joke. I actually like that one because it points out a fundamental inequity in the system under which college sports are run. I feel like I've learned a lot from that joke. I learned way less from this one:

"What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder?"

"Endless love"

Wow. That one's just completely shit, too. On top of it, it insults a fine musician and a man who, despite his advancing age, still sports a fine hairdo. And I would find it hard to believe that either one of these people could suck worse at tennis than I do. I love handball, but when there's a racket between me and the ball, I suddenly become spastic. Also, white is problematic for me now.

As to what I'm begging people to do it is simple:

If you can, post on your blog or in the forums  your own list of ways that YOU believe can make someone really happy.

I have my list and I'll print that below, but I was hoping that I could ask you guys to put your heads together and come up with better lists than mine. The point of all of this is that of all the things we learn in school, the most important - how to make ourselves happy - the center of everything that is worthwhile in our lives - doesn't get taught. Until now. Harvard University recently introduced a class on how to be happy. Tal David Ben-Shahar, the professor of Harvard’s first “happiness class”, defines happiness as: "the intersection between pleasure and meaning." He says, “Experiences can be either meaningful or pleasurable or both. Lying on the beach may be pleasurable but it’s not meaningful. Working in politics may be meaningful but not pleasurable. Happiness is the overlap of the two.”

And that's probably not Helen Keller-worthy, but it's not bad. I'm guessing that, unfortunately, this flagship class at Harvard isn't about to catch on in every school. But we can start the conversation here, right? Maybe the search for what is real "Big H happiness" is the first step to finding it. Maybe for a few days this website can be OUR class where we can figure this out.

So here's my list. I'm going to just let smarter people than me figure it out. Top ten.

1. Believe in something

Allan K. Chalmers wrote "The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." This is about having the something to love - something that you can support. I would definitely include that one on my list.

2. Finish something every day

Franklin D. Roosevelt said "Happiness is not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort." He believed that you had to DO something to make yourself happy. You had to find a meaning in what you did.

3. Have hopes and work towards them

Helen Keller also wrote "Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." It was about working towards your hopes. On a side note, Helen Keller's parents used to punish her by making her read the stucco. That's true.

4. Choose to be happy

Leo Buscaglia, well known facial hair fetishist and closet serial murderer once said, "What we call the secret of happiness is no more a secret than our willingness to choose life." For what it's worth, he and his moustache seemed to think that this was a choice we make. OR at least it starts that way. I think that's worth including on the list. I had a dream once that Leo Buscaglia kicked my monkey ass all over the room. Weird.

5. Exercise Compassion and Generosity of Spirit

His Holiness the Dalai Lama said, " If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." And then make me one with everything, Hot dog guy. Albert Schweitzer also said "I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." In situations where the Dalai Lama and Albert Schweitzer agree, it's hard to take the other side of the debate. Schweitzer also said, "There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats." The Dalai Lama is a dog person. Debate that, bitch.

6. Make decisions first before you do anything

James Oppenheim said "The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet." You have to decide to make happiness HERE rather than hope to find it elsewhere. Making decisions is a huge part of what makes that possible. Things growing under your feet are creepy, though, so let's move on.

7. Let little things go and learn to forgive

Universalist minister, abolitionist and social reformer E. H. Chapin said, "Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury." To prove it, he went and forgave the guy responsible for his hair/facial hair combo. Sweet.

8. Learn to be organized in your head

Immanuel Kant wrote, " Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life." Then he alphabetized his underwear drawer.

9. Get to know yourself

Francois de la Rochefoucauld wrote, "When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere." Knowing ourselves and who we really are is going to be an essential part of this, I think.

10. Practice

Thich Nhat Hanh once wrote "Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy." Is it fake if you start with the smile first. Thich Nhat Hanh didn't think so. In case this name sounds like I made it up, he was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who worked towards reconciliation between South and North Vietnam during the war. Martin Luther King Jr. actually nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize. How would you like THAT on your resume?

So, if you can, make your own list. You can post a link to it here. You can post it in the forums. I'm sure you guys can put a better list together than I can, but why, you ask? Because I can sit here and rail against the cruelty, inhumanity and stupidity of politicians when it's applicable (and it is - a lot), but why not call a striped horse a zebra? Miserable people make miserable decisions that make other people's lives miserable. Robert Louis Stevenson wrote "There is no duty we so underrate as the duty of being happy. By being happy we sow anonymous benefits upon the world." This is our job, in a way. We can work to make this planet a little better tomorrow than it is today, but doesn't some of that work have to be about making us not part of the "misery chain"?

"And what's Helen Keller's favorite color? "

"Courdoroy"

Jim Marcus is a singer/songwriter, director, photographer, writer, performance artist and social activist. And really, that list doesn't even touch the surface of all the things he's done. He's like Jack Bauer but with better hair and without all the guns and killing. But like Jack, I tend to wonder when he has time to use the bathroom.

A founding member of the seminal Industrial band Die Warzau, Jim Marcus has worked with artists in all genres, from Björk, to Revenge, Steel Pulse, Pansy Division, Machines of Loving Grace, George Clinton, KMFDM, Gravity Kills, Pigface, Little Louis, and more. Die Warzau's fifth album, "Supergangbang" is slated for release in October of 2006. Mr. Marcus is also currently at work on his first solo release, entitled "Wonderland".